Tuesday, February 16, 2016

To Be Inked or Not To Be Inked... It's No One's Business.

IT'S BEEN FOREVER! I'm sorry, I've had to do some major soul serching/putting my life back together over the last 6 months. I knowthat  things haven't relly kicked off how I described in the intro and I'm going to work harder to change that. We can do this! I'm also working with a bum keybord so if there are spelling errors I apologize now and hope that it doesn't reflect on me as a writer...exceptthe fact that I'm broke... And don't fix things...anyway.

In this post I would love to talk about fat girls who rock tttoos. I want to take a look at opinions abou girls with tattoos in general but especilly fat girls. As a fat girl with a few tattoos and plans to get many more I think that anyone can rock ink but there is a difference between good ink and bad ink. I don't care if you are fat, skinny, tall, short, etc, the ink that you got from the sketchy dude next door while in his basement, probably not good ink. It could be, he could be the next big artist, but he's probably not....moving on, sorry I got distracted...

Oh quick side note, none of the following photos belong to me, if anyone finds the photographers please let me know I will immediately add their names to this post. With that being said these are NOT my photos I don't poses this much talent....moving forward...

This is Kaci Celeste, she's amazing, and kudos to her for sitting through the pain of having her arm pits tatted....ah!

This is Lilith Von Grove, showing off he breath taking...sharks, I was talking about the Sharks people, focus! I love the small heartagram hidden in the purple but that's my inner HIM fangirl coming out, sorry, focusing.  Also side note, whoever thinks fat girls can't wear lingerie is just dumb, look at these strong beautiful women, rocking what they've got!
This photo is by Sammy Catherine of Inked Magazine! 

Unfortunately I don't know this beauties name and usually I wouldn't use an image if I didn't have even a little bit of information but this girl is gorgeous, her leg piece is gorgeous, her confidence is gorgeous. I try to have as much confidence as I can and I still don't think I could let someone take a photo of me showing this much of my body. I applaud her and aspire to be as confident as her! You go you beautiful mystery woman! 

Time for some opinions.....great I know...ok here we go.



This is Rosco, he thinks fat people shouldn't have tattoos, specially if your skin moves when you hit it. Unless of course you want to make fun of your stretch marks by making them "tribal tattoos." I'm sorry Rosco but my stretch marks are a sign of my body going through changes, and of what I was going through when I gained the weight that I did. On some people stretch marks are a sign of birth and on some it's the sign of pizza and hello....pizza!.....mmm pizza. Anyway, fuck you Rosco, my stretch marks should not dominate my tattoos and yea my skin moves when you hit it and guess what, that tattoo will move with it! Also why the fuck are you hitting fat people, stop it, it's not funny, fuck you.

I don't take Reddit seriously but I want to address this comment, the question was "how do men feel about women with tattoos," and this was this douchelord's reply. Excuse me monkeysintheattic but who said I was trying to draw attention AWAY from my body? Why is it that because I am fat I am suppose to hide? Am I a ninja? A spy? Am I on a secret mission through Hogwarts to find a book in the restricted section? No, well then the whole damn world may feel free to lay their eyes upon me. I am not taboo but I am a person and if I want to do things that draw attention to my body than so be it! I'm sorry that you feel insecure enough that you do things to blend in and not be seen, I really sincerely hope that that changes for you some day. Until then feel free to fuck right off while the rest of us shine and stand out!

Ok I have rambled on long enough people's opinions about your body or about your tattoos, or really anything dealing with you, are useless. The only opinion that matters about you is yours. I'm fat, I have tattoos, people don't like it, I'm getting a shit ton more tattoos. You are beautiful and the fact that you want to wear art forever for the whole world to see is beautiful. You just have more canvas so do what you want to do with it!

Love and pizza, 
Amber

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Who Runs the World? Strong Willed People...Duh

Ok so let me start by saying I am so sorry that it has been so long since my last post. I did in fact pick up that second job I mentioned in my introduction post and between that and my own mental slump its been a long couple of weeks. With that being said I want to make a post about some of the women who inspire me, both fat and skinny and completely different from one another, these are all women who help remind me to be myself and go for my goals. If you want to recommend some role models or quotes of your own please feel free to share, I am always looking for new inspiration.


1. Juliet Simms
(Photo: Scott Dudelson)

Juliet inspires to follow my dreams on my own terms. After starting a music career she had a successful band but her manager and the business didn't take care of her and she didn't get to be as big as she should have been. With help from her fellow rock star and boyfriend Andy Biersack and with her own hard work and determination she has revamped her career and is doing amazing things. Juliet is all about being yourself no matter what others think. She just released a great album, a jewelry line, a few different awesome music videos, and she is part of the line up on Vans Warped Tour this year. She is such an inspiration to me and I hope I get to meet her this year at Warped....BUCKET LIST ITEM! She is absolutely gorgeous and after watching countless interviews and reading what she has to say on her Instagram and Facebook I admire everything she stands for and her humble nature. Juliet understands that her fans are important and she has a genuine love for them. I am so excited to see what the future has in store for her.

2. Tess Holiday
(Photo: Milk Management)

Tess Holiday is a plus size model and she is absolutely stunning. I have all of the respect in the world for this woman. She inspires me to love my body and not give a damn if everyone else does or not. She also inspires me to go for what I want in life no matter how many people tell me I can't. People told her she was to big to model and yet here she is, being a stunning model. I mean HELLLOOO! shes frickin gorgeous! Women like Tess show me that it is ok to love the body that I have no matter what it looks like, I have fat arms, thick thighs and a huge butt and I am beautiful even though I might not always remember that. Tess' story and career help encourage me to keep my chin up and keep marching through life, accepting myself and knowing that I am capable of absolutely anything. Just because we are big doesn't mean that we have to fit into societies expectations, it means that we have the bodies and strength to tear down the barriers!

3. Joan Jett
(Photo: Rolling Stone)

Joan Jett has been a woman that I have looked up to most of my life. I have loved her IDGAF attitude, her style, her music, and what she stands for. She is tough, independent, talented, and opinionated which are all thing I would love to be able to say able myself or have others say about me. As far as talent goes I'm not sure I have any but I am definitely tough, and opinionated and I would like to think I am pretty independent haha. Joan Jett has always lived life her own way to the point of starting her own record label because no one else thought her music would sell. She has been a rock star role model for women everywhere and recently she was finally inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame. This woman has achieved so much against so many odds. She played rock and roll when t was unheard of for a woman to play it. She has lived her life to the fullest and She inspires me to do the same every day. If I could become half the woman that Joan Jett is I would be very proud of myself. I think society as a whole has a lot to learn from this woman about expectations and gender roles, about working hard and about how to treat people. 

4. Cheryl Held (My Grams)
(Photo: Me, my 19th birthday 2011)

My grandma has been a bigger inspiration to me than anyone else. She has shown me what a stong woman looks like. What it looks like to love others more than yourself, when manners are necessary and when they some times are not. She has taught me faith and devotion to being a wonderful person. My grandma has encouraged me in everything I have every done and in everything I continue to do. She was around to love me and hold me when my mom was not, she was there to protect me and stand by my side when I thought no one would. She tells me that she is proud of me every time I see her which unfortunately is less now than I would like. She has shown me what it looks like to be a strong devoted, loving, wife and mother. Her marriage to my grandfather has given me hope in love that I never thought I would have. They are a team and she is so proud of it. She gives her all in every thing that she does and she has taught me to do the same. I never do anything half assed. If I am going to put my time into something you better believe that I am going to make it count. I have seen this woman cry maybe three times in my whole life because she is the one that is always holding and consoling me. She is the strongest woman I have ever known and I hope I can be just like her some day. My grandma takes no crap from no one, she puts anyone who challenges her in their place. She isn't afraid to be one of the guys and shes definitely one of the girls. She is beautiful and loves her jackets and jewelry but she isn't afraid of hard work or sarcastic witty comebacks. I get most of my personality from my grandma, sassy, strong, independent and beautiful, I am the luckiest woman in the world that I have been able to spend so much of my life with such a wonderful role model.

Thank you guys for checking out my biggest female role models, there are many others these are just the main ones. Who inspires you guys? what words, books, pictures, mantras, people or anything else inspires you? what drives you and helps you continue forward? I would love to hear from you and I promise to post more often!

Love and pizza,

Amber


Monday, June 1, 2015

Art in a Bathtub


My thighs take up most of this tub
Built for humans but straining against their thickness.
The water level rises as my legs extend.
Knees to chest 
water level falls.
My thick arms squish against my chest trying to find their own room.
Why do I do this to myself.
Because the warm water swallows my legs and a hot bath makes
Any girl feel sexy.
Maybe just me.
My tummy rolls droop and take over whatever space they want.
I used to feel sad about it.
I used to suck them in and push parts of my body around to resemble something it would never be.
Now here I sit, warm, relaxed
Fat everywhere.
I will never be able to take a bath with my boyfriend.
There will be no pretty woman bathtub scene in my life and I will most likely forever be able to bathe in little water.
But I don't care.
My thighs jiggle
My tummy has stretch marks and folds
My arms look like upside down bowling pins 
But I'm alive,
I'm in a bath tub of clean water.
My shaved legs feel smooth and sexy against one another
Fat or no fat I am a woman and I am amazing.
Curvy like a winding road on a great adventure.
Comforting like pillows and shaped like I was painted with a soft, full brush.
I am art in a bath tub.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Fat, Skinny, Tall, Short Kind of Love

"10 Honest Thoughts on Being Loved by a Skinny Boy" By: Rachel Wiley

I want to make this my first official post because not only do I love this poem but I think that it is so true whether you are dating a skinny guy or not. For the first time in my life I am being loved by a skinny guy and though it is magical, it's not always an emotional cake walk (I wish everything was a cake walk... because hello it's cake).

I have always had anxiety about dating because I am a fat girl. I always feel like I am not good enough or that the guys I have dated deserve so much better but one thing I have learned in life is that being a fat girl does NOT...Let me repeat this...DOES NOT mean that I am not good enough to be with a man. Fat girls, fat boys, skinny girls, skinny boys, we all deserve to find happiness and we all deserve love.

That being said I will never forget laying next to my current boyfriend for the first time. My boyfriend is tall and skinny and I had never even thought about that until we laid down...and I felt giant. Not because of anything he did, he is amazingly sweet and supportive, but because when he wrapped his arm around my waist I realized how much bigger my body was compared to his.

I have struggled with the thoughts that he will meet someone thinner than me and until recently I thought that meant someone prettier, but it doesn't. He tells me I'm beautiful and he holds my hand, he brushes the hair out of my eyes and he kisses me...IN PUBLIC! for the world to see! and if you are a fellow fat girl you know that being kissed in public, or having your man hold your hand down the street is the best feeling in the world, because no matter how you are feeling about yourself, he is proud to be seen with you!

Another point that Rachel brings up in her poem is that her boyfriend loves her "with the light on." If you are a fat girl you also know that this is a wonderful feeling because if you are like me you had a hard ass time getting to the point where YOU could look at yourself naked let alone deal with someone else seeing you naked. Ladies, make your man love you with the light on, love yourself with the light on! you are beautiful and you deserve lights on! you are not a secret, you are not imaginary! you are real, alive, and damn it you are worth the electricity!

This isn't just for the ladies, men (if you're reading this), love yourself with the lights on, love your partner with the lights on. Who decided that it was ok for someone to touch our bodies in the dark? Who decided that it was alright to make love like its a mystery?! Excuse me but if you find my body attractive enough to touch with the lights off you can bet your ass you can find my body attractive enough to touch it in the light, if you can't then the door is that rectangle thing with the knob on it, show yourself out! (insert sassy head bob and snap here).

Being in love with someone who has a different body type than you can be intimidating, society tells us that we need to be with someone who is the same as us but what the hell does that even mean? I could find a man who is the same height and weight as me and he is still going to look different, he is going to act different, he is going to be... different. I am so in love with this tall skinny guy and don't get me wrong, my insecurities make it really hard sometimes but when that happens I have to tell myself "girl! this man has done absolutely NOTHING to show you anything other than love, are you going to let go of this man because of thoughts? thoughts are NOT facts! they re not solid, they are not certain, they are works of fiction, images created by the darkest parts of your mind. DO NOT LET THEM RUIN THIS!"

Ladies do not ever let anyone tell you that because you are a fat girl you will not find a skinny boy, if that's what you want it then get it girl! It's not even about body image, I used to think that I would never be with anyone that made me feel sexy, or that I found to be irresistible because I wasn't irresistible...screw that! go for who you like people! If it doesn't happen remind yourself that just because someone doesn't share that attraction it does not mean that you aren't attractive, it means that you are meant for someone else, it means you have to keep trying until you find someone who wants the same things in life. Someone who can't help but talk to you because they are so damn attracted to you.

I have dated all types of guys, not because I know a secret formula or because I am everyone's type (believe me I am an acquired taste). I have dated so many types because one day I said screw it and decided that the only person's standards I had to meet were my own and since then I have been slowly focusing on my confidence. It's not easy, it's not going to happen in a day, and it may happen more days than others but you are worth it. Your heart is worth it.

What do you guys think? what have your experiences been with loving someone who's different than you? How have you dealt with it? Also if you guys have anything you want to see or talk about on this page please let me know! I am new to this and definitely open to ideas!

Stay beautiful,
Amber

Introduction


Hey ladies, gentlemen...cats, dogs, sloths, bats, dragons, etc. of the wonderful people reading this! I want to introduce myself and this blog to you and hopefully you like it enough to follow it. 

First of all my name is Amber I am 23, my hair changes color, I have 24 piercings, 5 tattoos, and a cat named Felix. I work at Hot Topic and I absolutely love my job. I go to school and will hopefully leave soon with BA in English Language (big whoop right) ...any-who... I have an amazing boyfriend who is literally the best human being I've ever met and I am very thankful for him. 

I guess you would describe my style as a goth, punk, grunge mix. I don't really fit into any category, not that fitting into a category matters. I am 5 ft 8 and 280 lbs so I have a right to use the term 'fat girl'. With that being said lets move on to what the heck this blog is about.

First of all when I use the term 'fat girl' I use it with respect and positivity, this blog isn't about judging or being a bitch. There will be no fat girl hate here and if that's what you're about ...MOVE ON PEOPLE AND STOP BEING A DICK! ...er I mean... please read something else elsewhere because we don't want your hate. 

Second, I'm hoping that we can build a community here where my fellow fat girls and I can be loved, can share with each other,  and empower one another. I am going to be sharing my poetry and my life experiences, other things I read and topics I have opinions about. I said no hate earlier but that doesn't mean that I am against logical discussion. This is a safe environment! 

Third, I cuss...sorry (not sorry...ok a little sorry). With that being said, I am going to try to keep the cussing to a minimum because I don't want to make anyone too uncomfortable but this is your heads up that sometimes I will mess up and there will be some words not meant for children or the faint of heart.

Fourth (and last, I promise), I am fairly new to this blogging thing considering the last "blog" I had was a collection of my terrible poetry from probably 9th grade (I was angsty as eff). So with that being said please bear with me as I figure this whole thing out. I will try to post frequently but I'm about to pick up a 2nd job so I don't know how well that will work. 

If you've made it this far thank you so much for taking some time and reading this, I hope we can talk or at the very least that we can relate to one another and understand that we are amazing fat girls :)

Stay beautiful,
Amber